http://www.kukoda.com This way to hilarity. Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:18:17 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Jack Kukoda is a comedian and senior staff writer for the Onion News Network. This is his (former) blog. He is working on a new site that will be super fancy and impressive, but in the meantime, head on over to the Onion if you want to read ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/11/20/email-update/ I should have a nice wrap-up of my two games out at that shithole they euphemistically call 'the barn' on Long Island. And after that, well, I think that might be the end of this blog. I'll keep the site around, but I just got a new job ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/19/this-is-the-end/ Unless this rain washes out the Long Island Railroad, or all of Nassau County, I'll be at the Sabres-Islanders game tonight with some friends. I'm slightly embarrassed to say I only slept about 3 hours last night. I'm like a dorky, Buffalo-obsessed kid on Christmas. Or a ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/16/braving-the-storm/ The Stanley Cup playoffs "officially" kicked off last night, but tonight is when they really start as Buffalo plays its first game against the Gorton's Fishermen of Long Island. Why do they really start tonight, you ask? Because Buffalo, NY is the center of the sports and media ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/12/the-fever/ If you're like me, you're pretty excited for the NHL playoffs. But you're even more excited for Amy Grant's official NHL blog. Oh man, Gary Bettman, you are a fucking prince among boys when it comes to marketing the NHL. Sweet Lord have mercy, during the meeting ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/10/all-the-news-you-need-2/ It doesn't, okay? I just happen to like these. This first one is by my friends Kurt and Kristen and it's amazing. At least that's what I think. You might not think it's amazing. But that's because you're a jerk. Anyway, check it out. The ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/05/just-because-im-posting-videos-doesnt-necessarily-mean-im-too-lazy-to-write-something/ Last night the Buffalo Sabres won their first division title in 10 years and their first conference title since 1980 by beating the Pittsburgh Penguins. It was pretty sweet. I watched the game in my living room wearing four pairs of zubaz, a Jim Schoenfeld jersey, and a ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/04/taste-it-2/ All right, listen up boys and girls 'cause I'm only going to say this once. Now, I know a lot of you probably think you're pretty smart and there's nothing you can learn from a guy like me, two time tae-kwan-do world champion and recovering alcoholic Jack Kukoda. ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/04/02/hey-kids-dont-pour-hot-coffee-down-your-pants/ There's a good chance you've seen this already, but if not, you're in for a treat. The best scenes from The Wicker Man, starring Nicholas Cage. As far as I'm concerned there's few things YouTube has to offer: old Kids In The Hall Sketches, Hockey Fights, Short Circuit-Dead Prez mash-ups, ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/28/not-the-bees/ Hey kids, so remember how I mentioned a while back that I was working on a project, but couldn't really say much about it? Of course you remember that. I know you all memorize every post on this site like an army of Rain Men. Anyway, that ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/27/onion-news-network-launches-today/ I wrote another column for my friend Rich's site this week. You can check it out here. I think it's an example of the well-reasoned, intelligent discourse that is sorely missing in the world of Internet name-calling. If you guys want to nominate me for the Nobel ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/23/so-so-classy/ Laina made this for me for my birthday. She is bored in Vermont and only has goats and Photoshop to keep her company. Thank God for that. (Click for full size) You may remember Laina's earlier work with ponies and outer space. She's really outdone herself this time. Also, ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/22/this-is-about-the-greatest-thing-ive-ever-seen/ Thanks to everyone who pitched in and got me this sweet camo suit for my birthday. You guys are the best. This will make it much easier for me to creep about mossy swamps undetected. And would it kill you to send me a goddamn e-card? ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/21/you-shouldnt-have/ I received my annual birthday care package from my mom yesterday. She's pretty great at putting together care packages. One time on the phone I casually mentioned I was feeling sad and a few days later the mailman brought me a giant box full of potato chips ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/20/let-the-birthday-haul-begin/ The NCAA tournament is only 45 minutes old and somehow I'm already down 22,000 dollars. Why do I always bet on the coin toss? There is no coin toss in basketball! Goddamn it, that one gets me every time. Maybe I should just stick to those ... http://www.kukoda.com/2007/03/15/i-am-not-good-at-gambling/