Jack Kukoda

Hoo boy, sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday, but as my fellow fashionisters(the male form of fashionista) know, this is my busy time of year! That’s right, it’s New York Fashion Week. I don’t have to tell you fashionphiles just how hectic things can get for a socialite/budding designer like myself during this week, but in the event that some rubes stumble across this site, why don’t I give you a taste of my hectic, fabulous, schedule? Or should I say, “fashion-edule?” No. No, I should probably not say that.

7am Wake up
7:10am Coffee and laxative
7:30am Diarrhea so strong it gives me a headache
7:45am Fruit smoothie and coffee
8am More diarrhea, extra frothy this time from the smoothie
8:15am Shower
8:30am Put on one of the following outfits: (1)Marc Jacobs something or other, (2) Prada full body jumpsuit, or (3) Gucci’s new Fishing Net Shawl(that’s a big shawl made from an authentic Japanese fishing boat’s net. You know it’s authentic ’cause it’s got pieces of starfish on it.)
9am Morning meeting with like 20 gay guys to discuss my upcoming fashion line: “Jack by Jack”. Plan rest of day
9:30am More diarrhea
9:35am Wash ass in bathroom sink
10am Head downtown to super fabulous designer’s fashion show.
12pm Fashion show after-party.
1pm Get thrown out of party for asking DJ to play Hall and Oates song for 20th time.
1:30pm Have lunch at Balthazar or some such place(juice, fruit plate, asparagus, laxative)
2pm Spray Balthazar’s toilet bowl with jet black diarrhea
2:30pm Head back uptown for other fabulous fashion show
3:30pm Pass out at fashion show after drinking two magnums of champagne
5pm Wake up in bushes outside Bryant Park
5:30pm Eat street vendor hot dog out of desperate hunger
6pm Shit pants in cab downtown
6:30pm Shower
7pm Head to fabulous party
8pm Get into full on screaming match with DJ who won’t play “Rich Girl.”
8:05pm Attempt to strangel DJ with my fingerless gloves.
8:25pm Get maced by police
11pm Wake up sobbing in jail.
1am Finally fall asleep.

Yowza! And that’s just day one! Can’t wait to see what the rest of Fashion Week has in store. See you all soon, my fellow fashionophiliacs!

Previously: Fashion Rocks!