I received my annual birthday care package from my mom yesterday. She’s pretty great at putting together care packages. One time on the phone I casually mentioned I was feeling sad and a few days later the mailman brought me a giant box full of potato chips and sponge candy. That was sweet. This time my mom sent me some Buffalo Sabres Chocolate hockey pucks, a couple of Jim’s Steakout T-shirts, some Buffalo postcards, and a button that says “All-Star Son” with a note that said, “Please keep and wear this.” Of course I will. How else will people know that I’m an all star son?
Anyway, feel free to send me all sorts of birthday wishes between now and my actual birthday tomorrow. And when I say ‘feel free,’ I mean it’s compulsory. I am starved for attention and if I think that people forgot my birthday I will throw a temper tantrum the likes of which you have never seen. And if you’re wondering what to get me for my birthday, I’m registered on Ebay under Buffalo Bills zubaz. I know, I know. Bills zubaz are traditionally a fifth-anniversary gift, but I think we can break with tradition just this once. It’s for me, after all. Or you can just get me what I asked for last year since my friends dropped the ball on that one.