Jack Kukoda

Show me

your goats.

Oh, My Aching Face

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 12:11 pm on Tuesday, February 27, 2007

So I got my wisdom teeth out last Thursday and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. When I told everyone I was getting them out they all said things like, “Oh my God, I’m sorry” or “That’s horrible” or “They-ah gonna pull-ah your teeth-ah outa your-ah face-ah!” Actually, only the easily alarmed Italian man on my corner said that last one. Anyhow, it was kind of painful for the first few days, but now I’m feeling pretty good. And when they cut the teeth out of my face they pumped me so full of novacaine and nitrous that I didn’t mind one bit.

The thing is, I only got the wisdom teeth on one side of my face taken out. The teeth on the right side are still in there. Therefore, only one side of my face swelled up and at any rate, the swelling pretty much went away by Sunday. Still, I’ve had people who knew I was getting my teeth out come up to me today and say, “How are you feeling? You look good, a little swollen, but not too bad.” And then I have to decide if I want to tell them that, “No, I’m not swollen anymore. This is just how fat my face normally looks.” Or if I just want to say, “Thank you for your concern. And yes, I hope the swelling goes down soon. I’m so embarrassed walking around with this balloon face on my shoulders,” and then cry at my desk because I’ll never be beautiful.

Whatever, I’m going to go eat more ice cream. And then maybe I’ll cut myself, but just a little. That ought to help my stupid fat face.

(Insert Anchorman Brawl Quote Here)

Filed under: Sports! — By Jack at 12:55 pm on Friday, February 23, 2007

Getting My Wisdom Teeth Out Today

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 1:52 pm on Thursday, February 22, 2007

This Warms My Heart

Filed under: Sports! — By Jack at 5:09 pm on Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Nuts And Butts

Filed under: Miscellaneous, Blatant Lies — By Jack at 1:33 pm on Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I Used To Think YouTube Was Kind Of Overrated…

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 5:47 pm on Friday, February 16, 2007

Dance Ten, Looks Three

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 12:54 pm on Friday, February 16, 2007

Trend Alert!

Filed under: Blatant Lies — By Jack at 12:55 pm on Thursday, February 15, 2007

Happy Valentine’s Day

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 2:15 pm on Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I Make The Call

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 5:04 pm on Tuesday, February 13, 2007

More Celebrity Madness

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 10:52 am on Tuesday, February 13, 2007

In Honor Of Anna Nicole

Filed under: Arbitrary Cruelty — By Jack at 3:02 pm on Friday, February 9, 2007

Where Are My Documents?!

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 7:50 pm on Thursday, February 8, 2007

Buffalo In The Snow

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 1:05 pm on Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Finally, Fashion Week

Filed under: Lists, Blatant Lies — By Jack at 12:29 pm on Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Next Page »