Denver Report
Hey, jerks! I’m in Denver. Last night I went to my first Major Indoor Lacrosse League game. A friend got free tickets to the game through work, so we decided to go. Actually, I didn’t really decide anything. My friend Paul asked if I wanted to go. I didn’t even know professional lacrosse existed and even if I had known, there’s no way in hell I wanted to actually watch a game. So I politely said, “That could be fun.” And so we went. We saw the Colorado Mammoth defeat the Portland Lumberjacks by a score of something to something. Actually, I didn’t see that, because we left about halfway through. If you’ve never been to an MILL game, I’ll try to explain it to you in the following equation.
Ice Hockey Minus The Ice Plus Lacrosse Sticks Plus Rules that Make No Sense Minus Skill and Athleticism Plus Absolute Brutality Equals MILL
Here’s my friend Paul, the one who forced me to attend this shit. He is no longer my friend.
The other thing I noticed is that the game does not stop for injuries. Last night some player got slashed across the face with a stick and immediately fell to the ground. It was one of those injuries that are painful to watch. He was writhing on the ground in pain, wiggling his legs like in NHPLA 93 and play just continued. The team’s trainer couldn’t even get out to help him.
The other thing I noticed is that the PA announcer talks throughout the entire game. He plays AC/DC songs during the game, too. It was like watching a game while a strip club DJ announced it for you. “C’mon crowd, let the Mammoth hear you! You want to see another goal?! Also, Tanya, you’re up next on stage number 2. Gentlemen, make some noise for Crystallllllllll!”
And here’s that guy who was injured. I swear he was on the turf for a good two minutes before anyone noticed he was hurt.
After the lacrosse game, we all went to my friend Paul’s house and drank and played darts. It was very fun. I was also informed that I’m going to a MOE concert against my will tomorrow night. I hate Moe and all the horrible hippie jam bands like them. I’ve offered a number of times to sell my ticket, but my friends won’t hear of it. So I should at least have a MOE concert to report on later on. God, that shit will be horrible.
