Ice Cold Refreshment
Ooh boy! It’s nostalgia time! When I moved to my new apartment from my old one in Chinatown, I was afraid I’d miss all the things I had come to enjoy in my previous home: the bustle of Chinatown, the cheap restaurants, the fact that the temperature in my apartment would often drop below 55 degrees in the middle of winter because of our deficient management company and their even more deficient boiler. Well, no need to worry, because it’s freezing in my new apartment, too!
Oh, it’s grand! I’m currently wearing sweatpants, slippers two sweatshirts, and a winter hat. And I know my landlord said the fireplace is cosmetic only and hasn’t been functional for twenty some years, but that’s not going to stop me from starting a fire in it. I’ve got a whole bunch of Victoria’s Secret catalogs I’ve been stealing from people’s mailboxes just ready to go into the fireplace. (Don’t worry, I’m constantly stealing Victoria’s Secret catalogs so my collection will be quickly replenished. Why, because I’m a goddamn dirtbag, that’s why.)
Anyway, it’s too goddamn cold to sit around my apartment today on my day off, so I’m going to go out and run some errands. I’ll be back tomorrow and it will be grand. Oh, and I should have a video of a recent standup set to put up this week. It will make you shit in your pants, Ted. So look out for that. And I sort of got a new writing gig this week. More on that later when it develops. I’ll give you a hint: A certain magazine that rhymes with “Fenthouse” published one of my letters about the time I made love to two bikini models in a hot air balloon. I never thought those things really happened!!!!!
