Taste The Power Rankings!!!
Happy Week After Thanksgiving, everybody! Guess what, I got you a present. It’s a brand new batch of the Kukoda.com Power Rankings!!!! I hope you’re not wearing expensive socks, because these Power Rankings are so awesome, they’re going to knock your socks so far off your feet, they’ll land in a pond two counties over. Enough chit chat, let’s get to those rankings!
1. My Nephew Emmett (previous week: not on the list) This is the first ever debut at number one in history of the Power Rankings. And that’s an illustrious history. It goes back a full three weeks! Emmett snagged the top spot after he sent in a video demanding to know why he wasn’t on it. Well, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And talking babies take the top spot!
2. Sexy Teens (previous week: number 1) Calm down, sexy teens. I don’t want you to send me a bunch of letters complaining about dropping from the number one spot because that would take up precious time that could be spent being sexy. You just keep on keepin’ on and you’ll be back in the top spot in no time.
3. The movie Stealth (previous week: not on the list) Oh my God, have you seen this movie?! It’s freaking incredible. It’s about a talking plane that starts out good, then turns evil, then turns back to good after Josh Lucas reasons with it. Oh, and Jessica Biel fights half the North Korean army with nothing but a machine gun and her amazing ass. And Sam Shepard is in it. And the plane destroys itself at the end for no good reason. Rent that shit now!
4. Leftover Turkey Tacos (previous week: 2) Here’s a secret Kukoda family recipe: Tortillas, leftover turkey, gravy, cheese, mashed potatoes, stuffing. You know what to do. It’s only a matter of time before those KFC/Taco Bell hybrids start selling these under the name “Thanksgiving Gorditas.” Remember where you heard about it first.
5. Tie between the Buffalo Bills and Buffalo Sabres (previous week: not sure) The Sabres and the Bills both won yesterday, knocking off the Rangers and Jaguars respectively, and I watched both games in HD. Which brings me to number 6.
6. My Roommate’s New 42 inch Plasma TV (previous week: not on the list) Sweet Mary, mother of God, this thing is freaking awesome. My roommate’s girlfriend bought him a new TV last week and since then I’ve barely left the couch. It’s that good. I thought watching porno in my living room all day was cool before, but now that I’ve seen it in High Definition, I realize how much I was missing out. It’s like someone’s getting teabagged right in my living room!
7. Peter Cetera (previous week: not on the list) Peter Cetera had a very strong week. Plus, he sent me an autographed photo of him and the Moody Blues at Disney World. That’s got to count for something.
8. YouTube Videos of Kittens (previous week: 4) These are more addictive than crack mixed with wine.
9. The Episode of Drawn Together featuring Carlos Mencia (previous week: not on the list) This was like the dream team of lowbrow, racist, unfunny comedy. Kudos!
10. Basset Hounds (previous week: 5) No explanation here aside from the fact that I simply love Basset Hounds.
Well, there they are. Lots of newcomers this week. And some old favorites dropped from the ranking all together. I’m sure there will be lots of controversy. And as usual, feel free to leave your suggestions for the power rankings in the comments section.
Previously: Brand New Power Rankings
