Jack Kukoda

Hey everyone! Hope your day is going well, because mine is NOT! All of my co-workers are staring at me and making me really uncomfortable because of my Halloween costume. When my boss said we could dress up today, I was psyched. I had the perfect costume: Adam from Adam and Eve. It’s easy(all you need is your naked body) and it’s pretty sexy(naked body, remember?) And since I’m going as Adam before he ate from the tree of knowledge and realized he was naked, I’m not even wearing a fig leaf. That’s right, my zing zang is swinging freely in the office.

Anyway, I thought this was a really clever costume that everyone would appreciate, but you should have seen the looks I got on the subway. At first I thought it was because I had a snake draped over my shoulders(authenticity), but then I realized everyone was staring at my ding-dong. My awesome ding-dong. What is everyone’s problem? It’s like they’ve never seen a buck naked man on the subway before. I see at least two a week. Although, that may have something to do with the fact that I ride the subway at all hours of the night, and seek out the train cars that are listed on gay cruising sites. But that’s not important.

What is important, is that my co-workers are making me feel really uncomfortable right now. Two of them have already asked me to cover up my wing-wang with a folder or something, and the guy I share a cubicle with told me to stay the hell away from him. I’m sorry, when did Halloween become “Act like a jerk to your co-worker day?” Also, I think they’re trying to freeze me out of here because they just opened all the windows and there’s quite a draft in the office. I stayed in character by saying, “Oooh, the Garden of Eden is quite chilly. I wish God would close the windows.” But instead of closing the windows, our office manager just threw his sandwich at me and called me a weirdo.

Well, it’s pretty clear that my coworkers’ childish behavior is based on jealousy of my clever costume and my irrepressible sexiness. But I’m not going to let them ruin my Halloween. I’m going to get through the rest of the day, do my job, maybe make some photocopies of my bare ass, then go to a Halloween party and dance my ass off. Then I’ll head home, happy and exhausted . (By the way, I’ll be riding the 6 train, 2nd car from the back.)