Sports!
Oh boy, it’s almost football season, and since I am a heterosexual male, I am legally obligated to join a fantasy football league. Seriously, it’s just like Logan’s Run. I have a chip embedded in my hand that starts glowing around this time of year and if I don’t join a league, the Miller Lite Council of Men, or whatever the hell that thing is called, sends their death squads out after me. Stay away from me, death squads!
My fantasy league is different from the rest, though. Instead of drafting actual NFL players for an imaginary team, we dress up like our favorite players and go to Renaissance fairs. Oh boy, we are cool. Last year, I won a jousting contest dressed as Willis McGahee. It was awesome. I got to ride a little pony and hold a broomstick. And the guy that I beat was dressed as Ray Lewis, so it was extra sweet.
Some people say that my league doesn’t technically count as a fantasy football league. And they point out how pathetic it is to dress up and go to fairs where everyone speaks in fake Middle English. While I agree it’s not nearly as cool as spending hours drafting players, then feverishly checking the status of your team for the next 17 weeks all for a chance to win fifty bucks, it’s how I like to spend my time. And who are you to judge? Nobody! Unless, of course, you are a judge in some sort of court setting. Then, by all means, judge away.
And I’ll see you guys on the jousting fields!
P.S. Who wants to go to Medieval Times for dinner on Friday?
