Moving Sale
As some of you know I’m moving into a new apartment at the end of the month. That’s right, somebody’s building is going to have that new tenant smell. Me! Anyway, to alleviate the costs of the impending move and to make a little extra scratch, I’m selling some of my stuff. But unlike other moving sales, this isn’t just a bunch of crap I don’t want anymore. I mean, I’ve got some classy stuff here that you’ll want to buy. Check it out.
A Box Full of Props
Ooh boy! Do you want to put on a high school musical? How about shooting a low budget movie in your apartment that you can upload to YouTube? Then I think this box of props and costumes will interest you. Included in the box: a fake knife, fake poo, fake mustache, candelabra, monkey’s paw, real knife, sexy witch costume, a fake rock, and real poo. I’ve accumulated these props and costumes from appearing in regional theater productions over the years so I can personally vouch for their quality. What else am I selling? Let’s find out, jerk!
Commemorative Plates
Hoo boy, this is a good one! Ever since I can remember I’ve been a sucker for those commemorative plates they sell on channels old people watch. I’ve got them all hear, from the Revolutionary War all the way up to Princess Diana’s death. Unlike a lot of people though, I actually ate off of these plates. What’s the point of having a commemorative plate if it’s just going to sit in a glass case? The way I see it, eating Hamburger Helper off of FDR’s face is my way of remembering Pearl Harbor. You want these sweet plates? Come and get ‘em
This Refrigerator
I know what you’re saying. You’re saying that I cannot sell this fridge because it came with the apartment and it belongs to the landlord. Well, tough shit for my landlord. What’s he going to do to me? I already know I haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting my security deposit back after I accidentally set the bathroom on fire. The damage to the tiles alone is more than one month’s rent. Plus, I haven’t even told him that I tried to install a porch swing in my living room, but the ceiling gave way and now there’s just a big hole with wires coming out. Anyway, I’m selling the fridge. It’s pretty good, I guess. Keeps stuff cold.
So come over to my apartment this weekend, where all this, and some old porn I’m sick of, could be yours!!!!!
