Thirsty Thursday
Whoooo!!!! Oh yeah! I am wasted! Oh man, you have got to get down to Uncle Froggy’s right now! There’s so many hot chicks here just getting ca-razy! And when I say ca-razy, I mean Ka-ka-ka-razy! That’s triple crazy! Oh boy, Uncle Froggy’s has got to be the hottest bar in midtown. Better than the Turtle Palace and Spikey-Haired Pete’s combined! Uncle Froggy’s forever!
I’m sure a lot of you are saying, “Jack, why are you getting wasted at a midtown bar on a Thursday afternoon?” To that I say, “Two for one tequila shooters for the next 15 minutes!!! Get down here now!” Seriously, I know some of you have been worried about my drinking ever since last week when I didn’t get my dream job of writing for Mind of Mencia. Sure, I took that pretty hard, but who wouldn’t? When it’s been your lifelong dream to write cheap jokes about Mexicans, an opportunity like that only comes around once in a lifetime. Mind of Mencia was my Haley’s Comet.
Also, yes, I am taking my divorce from my latest wife harder than normal. You’d think I’d be used to this after 4 marriages! No way, man. When I fall in love, I fall deep. I give my whole heart. I throw caution to the wind and I mean it when I say “I do.” Unfortunately, the strippers that I fall in love don’t mean it like I do! You hear me, Crystal?! We swore in front of God and our families to cherish each other! Not to get divorced just because your old high school boyfriend got out of jail! I want my blender back! And my down comforter!
Okay, I’ve gotten off track. Look, just come down to Uncle Froggy’s. For real. We’ll have a few beers, maybe shoot some pool, hit on a few ladies if the mood strikes. Uncle Froggy’s gets a lot of decent-looking secretaries around lunch hour when they come in for the all-you-can eat quesadilla bar. C’mon, what do you say? All right, I’ll see you guys soon. I’m on the third floor at the end of the bar. If I’m asleep in the peanuts when you get here, just give me a shake and I’ll wake up. Bachelors rule!!!!!
