Jack Kukoda

Screw you, old friends. You hear me? All of my so-called friends can go blow goats for all I care because I don’t need you anymore. You know why? Because I built myself a sweet ass robot over the weekend. And me and my robot friend are all each other need.

First off, his name is Gorgon and he’s awesome. I had considered a few other names for him before settling on Gorgon. The first one I came up with was Friend-bot, but I immediately discarded that because it just sounds pathetic. The other name I came up with was Laximor, but that sounds like a medicine old people take for their bowels. Then I came up with P.A.L., but I couldn’t figure out any words that would necessitate that acronym. So I settled on Gorgon.

I don’t really know much about robotics or computers so I had to use the old guess and check method when it came to building Gorgon. I started out using what was around the house, so he’s mostly made out of pots and pans and an old pogo stick. And he’s got a Sega Genesis for a brain and Christmas tree lights for eyes-the blinking kind! So he looks real sweet.

Right now Gorgon doesn’t do much besides sit around and play the Sonic the Hedgehog theme song, but I’ve been reading some robot message boards and I’m going to trick him out real soon. That reminds me, does anyone have any tools I can borrow? I accidentally dropped the only wrench I own inside of Gorgon when I was putting his head on, and now I can’t get it out.

I think the best thing about Gorgon is that, unlike some other people I know, he won’t make plans to meet up at the mall, then blow me off at the last minute to watch Gia on HBO for the twentieth time, James Flaybern. And he won’t interrupt me when I’m hitting on some girl and tell her about the time I pooped my pants on a tenth grade field trip, Tim Gloefelm! See, real friends don’t do that sort of thing. And Gorgon is a real friend. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Gorgon and I are going to play some Ecco the Dolphin.