Jack Kukoda

Hey everyone! Awesome news to report today. One of my oldest showbiz dreams came true this morning! I was chosen to go on tour with Technotronic as one of their(her?) featured backup dancers! Hooray! That means I’ll be working my signature moves to every Technotronic classic from “Pump up the Jam” all the way to their seminal classic “Get Up!(Before the Night is Over)

Finally, all my years of dancing and auditioning have paid off. People told me I would never be a dancer. People like Anne Meara, who chose my dance partner over me even though he was just some street punk who didn’t even care about dancing! But I showed her when I yelled, “Who the hell wants to go to some stupid school to learn how to dance anyhow?” Yeah, I showed her.

But I guess the last laugh will be on all my doubters when they show up to their local county fair, and right there behind whoever the lead singer of Technotronic is, they’ll see me dancing my ass off in a pair of throwback overalls. Oh boy, I can’t wait. I’m going to rummage through my closet and see if I still have any of my Karl Kani hats. All right, I’ve got to get ready. The tour bus is picking me up in like half an hour. Don’t worry, I won’t forget you. Stay gold, everyone. Stay gold!

I’ll give a dollar to the first person, besides the Lady, who identifies the Anne Meara reference.