Jack Kukoda

You hear what I’m saying? I don’t want to listen to how you had a difficult childhood and how embarrassing your parents were and how they made your whole adolescence one awkward moment after another. Let me tell you something about shame, buster.

When I was playing Little League baseball, one day my Mom showed up at a game drunk and wrestled a bear. What?! Where did she even find the bear? I’ve been asking myself that question all my life. Man, oh man, now that was embarrassing.

Another time, at a grade school basketball game, one of my grandparents was arrested for selling illegal fireworks right there in the stands. Can you believe that? In the middle of the game, my grandfather was selling bottle rockets and the like.

Then this one time my dad showed up at my 8th grade graduation with a cooler full of fish and just as my name was being called he started throwing the fish at everyone. What? Why in the hell did he do that? You know, he’s never given me a straight answer.

None of that is important, though. I’m going to Six Flags Great Adventure today with the Lady and some other friends. Sweet Christ on a cracker, I’m excited for it. El Toro, you’re on my to do list. Same for you Kinga Ka and Nitro. Hell, I might even swing by Hurricane Harbor if I feel crazy. Okay, the rest of you enjoy your work day. I’ll be thinking of you while I’m spending 30 dollars on a ring toss game trying to win the Lady a 2 dollar bear.