Live Drive At Five
Hey everybody! TGIF, ya know what I’m saying?! (Beep beep) You got DJ Jack here for the drive at five today. I’m going to be taking you home and then I’m going to hand it over to the Love Doctor a little bit later. The Love Doctor’s going to get you through the weekend, isn’t that right Love Doctor. (Moaning sound) All right, don’t forget to call me on the request line if there’s something you want to hear. And let me remind you, I’ve got tickets to the Peter Cetera concert this weekend at Jones Beach. But if you want ‘em, you’re gonna have to call me up and put your boobs on the phone. Let me hear those boobs, ladies!
All right, let’s get into the news. It looks like Paris Hilton is in the news again…for banging some guy. Oh, boy, she is a whore. Dirty whore, that Paris. What else is in the news? Israel is fighting Lebanon still. Hey, I haven’t seen fighting like this since I wore my Larry Bird jersey in Harlem. Hello!!! (Gong sound) Oh, man, how do I do it? Hey, let’s take some calls.
All right caller, you’re live on the air with DJ Jack with the Drive at Five. Go ahead.
(Static)
Turn down your radio please.
(Static)
Okay, never mind. Let’s forget the callers for a little while. Uh-oh, I’ve just been handed a news bulletin. It says, “Paris Hilton just blew like ten guys.” Wow, she is a whore, that Paris Hilton. I would not like to have sex with her. No sir, because she is slutty. And a whore.
Let’s check the forecast. Looks like sun and fun all weekend. And that’s a good thing if you’re planning on going to Beachfest this weekend. Steve Perry’s gonna be tearing things up there. And it is SOLD OUT so if you want tickets, we’re the only place to get them. Ladies, if you want these tickets, call in and describe your boobs. Make sure you say boobs a lot. And be the tenth caller. Some lucky lady will win these tickets.
All right, let’s check on sports. Looks like football season’s starting soon as training camps get underway this weekend. I can’t wait for those Coors Light Twins commercials to start re-airing. That’s my favorite part of football. But you know who won’t be watching football this fall? Lance Bass, because he’s gay. Lance Bass, huh? More like Lance Ass, right! You know I’m right. Okay, we’re going to take a quick break, but when we come back I’ll have a rock block of Aerosmith for you and something to do with boobs. Toot toot
