Jack Kukoda

Hey, hey! Ho, Ho! These designer jeans have got to go! That’s right, Denim Jack is back and he’s on the jean attack. And when I say attack, I mean sale! Oh, yeah! Denim Jack has got too many jeans piled up in his jean warehouse and he wants to sell those jeans to you. Jeans! It’s almost back to school time and unless you want to look like a jerk, you’ll buy some of my seriously discounted jeans. Enough talk, let’s get to those jeans. Yay!

Hey, check out all these jeans. There’s enough jeans here to choke a horse! But don’t use these jeans to choke horses, or any other animal for that matter. That’s not what jeans are for. They are for wearing with a casual button down or a t-shirt. Leave the horses alone, that’s what Denim Jack says. You know, one time I saw a horse up close. I think it was at the zoo. No, wait, they don’t have horses at the zoo, do they? Not important. But you know what is important? JEEEEEAAAAAANNNNNNSSSSSS! So let’s get back to them, huh?

Hey, look at these jeans. It’s like their friends with each other. “Hey, let’s go down to the jean hangout place,” says the one on the left. Then the one on the right says, “I can’t. I have polio. I need to stay inside.” What?! Man, those jeans are wild. Get back in your iron lung, pair of jeans on the right. Isn’t that right, Billy Corrigan?

I have no idea why my picture showed up in a Google Image search for “jeans.” What am I doing here? Hey, remember when I was in that group Zwan?

No, I don’t! All I remember is how much I love jeans. I scream for jeans! Yaaarrrrggghhh! Oh, no! I’m having a serious jean attack! My left arm is numb. I’m coming for ya, Levi! Oh, the jeans!!!!!

P.S. Buy jeans.