Construction Junction Outside My Window
I wish I could tell you how delightful it was to wake up this morning to the sound of construction workers banging away outside my window, but there’s no way to put it into words. They’re renovating the store directly beneath my apartment, and from the sounds of it, they’re not leaving a single thing un-smashed. Right now, there are construction workers in my backyard, which my bedroom faces, digging a giant hole in the backyard.
The workers are so loud and close that, when they first started, I thought someone was drilling holes in my kitchen. Since I only have one roommate, I assumed it was him, attempting some sort of home improvement project at 7am. “Matt!” I screamed from my bedroom. “What the hell are you doing! Stop hammering!” No response. “Shut up, Matt! Seriously, stop hammering! I hate you!” Again, I got no response. “Good Lord, answer me you son of a bitch!” Nothing.
I dragged myself out of bed and over to my window to see what the hell was going on. And there, outside my window, not 5 feet from me, were three construction workers tearing the tin roof off of the store beneath my apartment. But they weren’t content to just tear it off. Once it was off, they felt the need to smash it with pipes for some reason. Construction workers and contractors, help me out here, why would anyone need to punish a tin roof by bashing it with pipes? Is there a construction term for that?
After they were done tearing up the roof, they started bashing old pieces of wood with their pipes. It was like watching a four year old breaking up a pile of Lincoln Logs. Except four year olds don’t make nearly that much noise. And you can tell four year olds to stop what they’re doing. I wasn’t about to chastise a bunch of clearly crazed construction workers five feet from me, lest they simply walk over to my window and start bashing that with pipes.
Good God, from the looks of this project, it’s probably going to go on all summer. So it’s time for another contest. The winner of this contest gets to have me live with them for the next two months! You heard me, it could happen to you. I’ll be sleeping on your couch, eating your food, bring home floozies to your home! Enter today!
Oh, and the worst part is, I’ve walked past the construction workers half a dozen times and they’ve yet to make a pass at me. Jerks.
