Yes, I Know This Is Pointless, But…
I present: plot holes in the upcoming Wayans Brothers’ movie Little Man. I know, I know. What’s the point of detailing all the things wrong with this movie? It’s going to be a horrible piece of garbage. Why take it seriously? I’ll tell you why: Because I’ve got nowhere else to go. No wait, that’s why I put up with Lou Gosset Junior’s tough love when I was trying to get into Navy Flight school. Because I’ve got nothing better to do. That’s what I meant to say.
Here’s how IMDB summarizes Little Man in case you’re unfamiliar with it: “A wannabe dad (Shawn Wayans) mistakes a vertically challenged criminal on the lam (Marlon Wayans) as his newly adopted son.” That’s the whole plot. One joke for 90 minutes. Whoo boy, sounds like a crackerjack. Anyway, here’s why the whole thing wouldn’t work.
1. In one of the TV spots for the movie, you can clearly see that Marlon’s character has a tattoo on his left arm. That’s a definite tip-off that you’re dealing with a freakishly short criminal and not a baby.
2. Marlon’s character has Marlon Wayans’ face. Marlon Wayans does not look like a baby. Ridiculous!
3. If Marlon’s character were able to pass himself off as a baby this easily, he certainly would have tried it before. Like in cartoons where the baby in the stroller is actually a gangster, this would have been Marlon’s character’s M.O. from the beginning.
4. Marlon’s character is way too muscular to be a baby.
5. Marlon’s character has visible facial hair! What kind of baby has facial hair?
6. And most disturbing of all, why do I kind of, deep down want to see this movie? Why, oh God, why? Someone explain that one to me. And while you’re at it, can you walk me through the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest? How could a Disney movie based on a ride be that difficult to follow? I swear to God, I thought Geoffrey Rush was playing Orlando Bloom’s dad until afterwards the Lady told me that it was, in fact, Stellan Skarsgard. What? Was he even in the first movie? And how did he know Johnny Depp at the start of the movie? And what was with that gambling game with the dice they were playing? I couldn’t even figure that out. Ugh, I’m going to go watch White Chicks to feel better about myself. Even I can follow the plot of that one.
Here’s a link to the trailer. Let me know if you spot any other glaring problems.
