Personal Etiquette
So New York Magazine ran a story this week all about Urban Etiquette. You know, what is and is not permissible in a big crowded city like New York. And since I enjoy nothing more than ripping off other people’s ideas-I’ve got an idea for a sitcom about nothing called Kleinfeld in the works-I thought I would give you some etiquette tips on how to act around me, comedian, superstar lover, and all-around good guy, Jack Kukoda.
1. If you see me in a bar, you should not make eye contact. I don’t care if I’m by myself, with friends, or wearing a sandwich board that says “Look me in the eye.” Do not do it. I’m like some kind of crazy tiger that will assume you are challenging me if you look me in the eyes.
2. Please do not ask me to autograph your balls. Seriously, I don’t know when this trend started, but I would really appreciate it if it stopped. It’s one thing to autograph some girl’s impressive cleavage, but if one more of my male fans hands me a sharpie and pulls out their nutsack, I’m just going to lose it.
3. Thinking of sending me a delicious homemade pie? You go right ahead. I will never-I repeat never- turn down a free, delicious pie.
4. Don’t step on my Air Jordans unless you are prepared to die.
5. Please do not throw your baby at me, and then try to rob me when I attempt to catch the baby. It’s really annoying. Okay, this one really only applies to gypsies, but don’t anyone else go get any ideas.
6. Feel free to give me lots of sloppy puppy kisses.(Puppies only)
I think that is all the rules I can come up with right now. And when in doubt, use your common sense. Looking forward to those pies!
