Jack Kukoda

So, once again, I went on a trip with friends and forgot to bring my camera. So until my friends send me pictures of the wedding over the weekend, these Google images will have to do.

Thursday night, I met my friend James out in New Jersey to make sure we got an early start on Friday morning. We had decided to drive to Cleveland since it would be much cheaper than flying and planned to leave by 7am on Friday. We didn’t even get to bed until 5am. Whoops. Sorry, the call of Hoboken bars and darts were too strong. And the Sabres had just lost in Game 7 of the Conference Finals so I had some drinking to do. Also, Batman Begins was on HBO so I stayed up to watch that. Whatever. Don’t judge me.

It was James, myself, and James’ girlfriend in the car. My girlfriend couldn’t make it because she is a famous model from Canada and she had a modeling assignment that weekend that she couldn’t get out of. It was also in Canada. We got on the road by 8:30, and I fell asleep right away. I woke up when we were in the middle of Pennsylvania. If any of you readers are thinking of taking a trip to Central Pennsylvania, don’t bother. There’s nothing there. Not even cows. It also rained the entire time. I can’t say for sure if it rains all the time in Central PA, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it always is.

We got slightly lost on the way into Cleveland and had a little trouble finding the Tuxedo Junction at the mall. James and I were groomsmen, and had to rent tuxes. The tuxedos were pretty nice, and the store had a deal where, for thirty dollars extra, you could get a top cat, cane, and gloves. And you could keep them! I’m still kicking myself for not taking advantage of that offer. Once we got our tuxedos, we headed to Paul’s(the groom) parents’ house to change for the rehearsal. I asked James if it was a “dress rehearsal” and he said I was an idiot.

We quickly changed and made it to the Church for rehearsal only a few minutes late. Some people might be disappointed in themselves for showing up late to a rehearsal, but James and I were pretty proud. Shit, we couldn’t believe we actually woke up in time to make it to Cleveland on the right day, so anything we accomplished after that, we gave ourselves a pat on the back. Paul and Sarah didn’t mind that we were a few minutes late, since a couple of bridesmaids hadn’t even arrived either. James and I clucked our tongues at those irresponsible bridesmaids. Then we got into a splash fight with the holy water. Not really.

The rehearsal was pretty uneventful. I got the usual lecture from the priest about not stealing focus from the bride. As usual, the priest had noticed my bulging pecs and trademark smile and told me that this was Sarah’s special day and that, even though I am devilishly handsome and in top shape, I shouldn’t flex too much or everyone will forget about the bride. I agreed. The rehearsal was over so we headed to a country club for the rehearsal dinner.

I would ask you to guess how many cocktail shrimp and mini meatballs I ate at the rehearsal dinner, but I doubt most of you can count that high. Suffice to say, the caterers knew who to come straight to as soon as they got a new tray of food. Oh, gluttony! The rehearsal dinner was a lot of fun. It was the first chance I got to see a lot of old friends, plus they served steak AND chicken. Now, that’s class! After dinner Paul and Sarah made speeches and gave out gifts to their respective groomsmen and bridesmaids. Sarah did an excellent job. She was poised, well-spoken, and thoughtful. Paul seemed flustered and crapped his pants halfway through his first speech. Just kidding. Paul was great, and managed to embarrass me, as well. The groomsmen all got monogrammed flasks, which is great because I need more excuses to drink on the subway. Then, as we were leaving, we were also given a bottle of booze! What?! Score!

Once dinner was over, we headed back to the hotel and got drunk in the hotel bar. A lot of people’s flights had been delayed, so guests were arriving until 2am that night and everyone seemed to congregate in the bar. A couple of models who were staying in the hotel noticed me and asked if they could be my date to the wedding. I was flattered, but said no. That would just mean less shrimp cocktail for me.

Okay, that’s all for now. I’ll have part 2 and hopefully some real pictures of the wedding later this week.

Previously: Denver, As Told Through Google Images Part I and Part II