Jack Kukoda

I’ve got this new idea for a business that’s sort of like a wake-up call service. Except instead of calling people in the morning to wake them up, I call them at all hours of the day and leave fart noises on their answering machines.

Here’s how it would work. People would sign up for my service, tell me what kind of fart noises they would like to receive, how many they would like, and at what time of the day they would like to receive them. Then I call their phones and leave fart noises on their voicemail. Bam! I’m rich. There’s a huge market out there for this type of service. Trust me. How many times have you said to yourself, “You know what would be great right now? If I could hear some hilarious fart noises on my answering machine. But I don’t know anybody that does really good fart noises.”

Problem solved. Because I make the best fart noises. I can do them with my mouth or even with a whoopie cushion if you sign up for my Premium Plus Package. That includes 4 traditional fart noises, 2 extra-long fart noises, and a whoopie cushion at the end. And it only costs a hundred dollars. So sign up today!