How I Would Solve The Immigration Crisis
There’s a lot of rhetoric being tossed around on this whole immigration issue. There’s also a whole bunch of foofaraw and hullabaloo. That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to fix this whole mess once and for all. Follow my advice and we’ll have this immigration problem licked before you can say, “Git out ‘a my country!”
Step 1: Arrest all the donkeys. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Mexico Tourism pamphlets, it’s that Mexico is chock full of donkeys and the people who ride them. If we round up all the donkeys in North America, the Mexicans will have no way to get to this country. Mr. President, build a prison for the donkeys.
Step 2. Build a wall along the border…out of nachos! You heard me, build a 20-foot high wall out of nachos. Why? Because everybody knows nachos are delicious. Even if some illegal immigrants manage to scale the wall, they’ll look down at say, “Hey, this is 20 feet of nachos. I guess I could have just one.” But here’s the thing, you cannot have just one nacho. They’re too tasty. So while the would-be immigrants are sitting atop that wall eating nachos, the Border Patrol swings by and gently prods them back into Mexico. Boom! Problem solved.
There it is, my two-pronged plan to end the immigration problem in this country. Don’t bother thanking me. Crushing the hopes of millions of potential immigrants who are only looking for a better life is thanks enough for me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go steal blankets from orphans.
