All The News You Need
Forget the immigration debate, here’s the real conflict that’s brewing in California. Someone call Bill O’Reilly! Because sea lions are out of control in Newport Beach. It seems they keep jumping onto people’s boats, causing them to sink. My favorite part:
“The mischievous pinnipeds have returned to the bay after wreaking havoc last summer by trashing boat cabins and decks, swamping a vintage yacht and barking all night.”
Sea lions climbed aboard a vintage yacht, causing it to sink. That sounds like something that would happen in an 80’s movie. You know, like there’s some dilapidated marina run by some ragtag misfits who sit around all day fishing and drinking beer. But it turns out that the marina’s property is worth a ton of money, so some rich developers try to take it over. And the rich guys make fun of the lovable losers and threaten them and stuff. So one night, the misfits train a bunch of sea lions to jump onto the lead rich guy’s boat while he’s trying to seduce some woman. And the boat sinks and the rich guy is in the water with his fancy captain’s hat and blue blazer are all wet and he’s yelling about how some royal guy gave him that blazer and now he’s going to destroy the misfits. But in the end, the ragtag misfits challenge the rich developers to some sort of regatta and, despite overwhelming odds, win the race and get to maintain control of their marina. And then Rodney Dangerfield shows up. Oh, and at some point in the movie, there’s a gratuitous titty shot.
That would be one sweet-ass movie.
Oh, and I’m going to throw my hat into this debate. I’m pro sea lion. But I’m anti-otter. You hear me, otters? Fuck you and your stupid whiskers! You’re dead to me, otters!
Calif. Officials Resume Sea Lion Battle [Yahoo! News]
