A Failure Of Imagination
The Sabres start the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs tonight against the Ottawa Senators and now it’s official: I’ve got a raging case of Stanley Cup Fever. It’s not quite as acute as it was when the Sabres went to the finals in 1999. That year, my friend Tim and I made homemade jerseys by slapping Sabres’ bumper stickers onto t-shirts, then painting our names on the back. God, sometimes I forget how cool I was back then.
Anyway, I thought this would as good a time as any to point out a slightly disturbing fact about the City of Buffalo’s sports franchises: No matter what the name of the team is, the mascot is always a buffalo. I’ll admit it, we’ve got a bit of a creativity problem.
We’ll start with the Sabres. First off, ’sabre’ is actually the British spelling of the word ’saber.’ Not sure why the Sabres spell their name that way. Perhaps it was to attract Canadian fans. Or maybe it’s because Buffalo is often referred to as “America’s answer to London.” Sorry, that was a lie. I digress. According to an online dictionary, a sabre is “a fencing sword with a v-shaped blade and a slightly curved handle.” Well, that’s pretty tough-sounding. A sabre should make a good mascot, right? Wrong. Because this is the official Sabres’ mascot.
Why, it’s not a sabre at all! It’s a buffalo. Jesus Christ, Buffalo, just because the city’s name is also that of a majestic animal, doesn’t mean you have to go with that as the logo. At least the old logo, which is probably the greatest logo and color scheme in the history of the NHL, had some swords in it:
Of course, it, too had a buffalo in it, positioned between the two swords. I never noticed it before, but it looks like that buffalo is headed straight into the point of one of the sabres. Look out, buffalo!
Oh, and the Sabres’ physical mascot? The one who goes around the arena getting people excited and leading cheers and stuff?
Yeah, he’s a tiger. Let’s move on.
Next up, the Buffalo Bills. For people who weren’t born in Buffalo, I can’t even begin to describe how much the success of the Buffalo Bills is tied to the self-esteem and mental well-being of an entire city. The depression that pervades the people of Western New York after a Bills’ loss is palpable. God help us if they ever move the team to L.A. But that’s a matter for another day.
So what, exactly, is a ‘Bill?’ I have no idea. I’m guessing they just picked the name because it sounded good. As in “Buffalo Bill,” the colorful Old West figure who put on “Buffalo Bill’s Wild West” shows. And yes, I know that Buffalo Bill is also the name of the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs, but if you think I’m going to make a hack “it puts the lotion in the basket” joke, you’re dead wrong. The Bills deserve better than that. Anyway, here’s the Bills’ logo:
Surprise, surprise! It’s a buffalo! A buffalo with a raging case of pink eye, apparently. The Bills used to have an old logo, too. What might it have been?
Oh, right. It was a buffalo. Although, a much more sedentary one. My roommate just said that the buffalo on this helmet looks like it was just told of its impending extinction. That’s a sad buffalo.
All right, finally, we’ll move on to the most egregious example. The City of Buffalo has a AAA Minor League Baseball team. They are the minor league affiliate for the Cleveland Indians. They almost became a major league franchise the year the Marlins and Rockies entered the league. Can you name that team? I can. It’s the Buffalo…wait for it…Bisons! Yes, the Buffalo Bisons. Sweet fucking Christ.
“Wait,” you’re saying. “Aren’t a buffalo and a bison the same thing? Isn’t that like calling them the Buffalo Buffaloes?” Sigh. Yes. Yes, it is. Actually, they’re slightly different, although Wikipedia suggests it’s a matter of semantics.
Anyway, here is the Bisons’ logo:
It’s a bison wearing the Bisons’ uniform, which has a picture of a bison on it, and the team plays in city called Buffalo. My head is spinning. The only thing that approaches the meta-factor of this logo is the obscure Spiderman villain Stegron, who was a half-man half-dinosaur that rode other dinosaurs. As seen below.
Now that’s a team mascot I could be proud of.
Related: Buffalo Bills Nicknames
It’s occurred to me that I’m not the first person from Buffalo to notice this. But I haven’t seen anything written about it before. So feel free to let me know if there is a comprehensive list of these somewhere or if I missed any. Oh, and apparently the site is experiencing some technical difficulties. Namely, the sidebar is all the way at the bottom of the page. I’ll try to get that fixed today or tomorrow.
