Sopranos Spoilers!
Are you guys ready for some big news? Some seriously big, pants-crapping news? I sure hope so because I’ve got that kind of news. I’ve been working as a script consultant on The Sopranos for the past week or two, and I’ve got all the dirt on the remaining episodes. This may very well get me fired, so I hope you appreciate all these spoilers coming your way!
Spoiler Number One: It will be revealed that the entire cast is gay. You heard me: gay, gay, gay. If you thought that one gay story line on the show was a big deal, be prepared to follow over two dozen. I’m not saying I have a problem with it, but I do think the bath house fisting scene with Tony, Christopher, and that guy who likes model trains is a little over the top. But hey, what the hell do I know?
Spoiler Number Two: Two words: Evil Twin! That’s right, it will be revealed that Tony has a long-lost brother named Roney, who, in the tradition of soap operas, wears an eye patch to denote his evilness. Tony and Roney team up to stop Joanie, their even more evil sister, who wears two eye patches to denote her super evilness. So I guess that makes triplets. Whatever. I love the Sopranos no matter how crazy or unbelievable it becomes.
Spoiler Number Three: The Sopranos open a pizza shop called…Pizza Slut. Tony merges Bada Bing, the strip club, with a local pizza business where topless waitresses serve piping hot pies. It’s like a trashier, Italian-themed Hooters. Things get really cooking when The Pizza Hut Corporation sues Tony for copyright infringement and Tony responds by…filing a countersuit! What?! So, so crazy. And not at all boring and pointless.
Spoiler Number Four: This show is well past its prime.
