I’ll Give You Three Guesses To Figure Out How Much Pork I Ate Last Night At My Friend’s Barbecue
Nope. I ate more pork than that. Try again. What? Two pounds? That’s an insult to my pork-eating prowess. I eat two pounds of pork before noon. “You want milk or sugar?” the man at the deli asks when I order my morning coffee. “Fuck milk,” I say. “Put some ham in there. That’s how I like my coffee.” So yeah, I like to eat pork. Get over it. You’ve got one more guess. Make it count.
Nope, once again you’ve underestimated my-Oooohh! I’m having a heart attack. There is pork in my heart! Pork attack! Arrgh! Why did I eat so much pork?! Oh, right, because it was delicious! I regret nothing!!!
Except my terrible eating habits.
P.S. My new catch phrase is “Pork o’ the morning to ya!” Look for it.
