Room For Rent
My roommate is out of town until next week so I’ve decided to rent out his room. If teen movies from the 80’s have taught me anything, it’s that renting out your house/room to some less-than-savory characters is great way to make a quick buck. With a few hilarious consequences to boot!
But before you move in, I’ve got to lay down a few ground rules.
1. If you paint my roommate’s room a different color, you have to paint it back to the original color before you move out. This is especially important because my roommate’s walls currently feature a scene from The Little Mermaid and he will definitely notice if someone paints over that.
2. I don’t wear pants until 2pm. This rule is not open to negotiation. It’s just how I do things. I like to flop around until the late afternoon, and nobody, especially some subletter, is going to stop me.
3. No parrots. If you try to bring a goddamn parrot in here, I will cut you good.
4. Rent is due every 6 hours. It’s a quirk in our lease, but we have to pay our rent in 6 hour intervals. I will announce that the rent is due using an ear-piercing air horn.
5. You must sing me to sleep. Preferably power ballads.
Once again, if you would like to be my roommate for the next week, just send a postcard with my name and your name on it to the post office and we’ll get this ball rolling. See you soon!
Related: Win a date with Jack Kukoda!
