Jack Kukoda

Do you? Okay, then, I’ll tell you. It’s “Engineering Disasters” on the History Channel. Actually, it’s probably not my favorite show, but whenever it’s on, I get all excited. It’s sort of like “Cops,” but with gigantic structures falling down on themselves instead of shirtless meth addicts or transvestite hookers getting chased by the police. Okay, so it’s nothing like “Cops,” but it’s still a pretty good show.
I wonder if engineers watch “Engineering Disasters” and then call each other and talk shit about other engineers. That’s what I would do if I were an engineer. I would be super cocky and say things like, “You call that a trestle? My grandmother could build a stronger bridge support system, and she’s freaking blind! You suck, fellow engineer!”

Then I would get drunk on Peppermint Schnapps. Peppermint Schnapps…and power!

On a related note, I used to work in this horrible restaurant and my even more horrible boss once said to me, “You carry wine glasses like my grandmother. And she’s fucking dead.” I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. I know that my asshole boss meant it as an insult, but it didn’t really make sense no matter how you look at it. How could a dead woman carry wine glasses at all, let alone poorly? Whatever. My boss was a miserable idiot and often didn’t make sense. When he eventually fired me, he accidentally misused the word “antithesis” twice. He was a smart one.