I’ve Got To Get Back In The Gym
Okay, I get it, jerks. I’ve put on a little weight recently. Yes, I’m fat. Does that mean that I deserve a barrage of insults whenever I decide to ride my Jazzy to the store for a little shopping? I don’t think so. Jesus, I feel bad enough about my weight without having all the stock boys make fun of the fact that I can’t use the arm rests on my scooter because my bulbous hips jut out too far. So just give it a rest, for Christ’s sake.
Why can’t you let me go to Sam’s Club to buy a 2 gallon jar of mayonnaise in peace? What business is it of yours why I need that much mayonnaise? I’ll tell you: none of your business. And to whatever jerk blocked my path with that blue shopping cart I say, “Go to hell.” I had to honk my scooter horn for a good five minutes before somebody came over and moved it for me.
You know, it’s incidents like these that cause me to eat too much. I medicate my pain with fritos, okay. It is a vicious, vicious cycle that I am powerless to escape. So please, if you see me riding my scooter down the street while eating a turkey leg, please don’t point and laugh. You’re doing more harm than good. Thank you and God bless.
