Jack Kukoda

I occasionally get emails from people who stumble upon my site while looking for something else. Normally, it’s people telling me that they like or dislike something I’ve written. On occasion, though, I get an email like this:

From: [Redacted]
To: jack@kukoda.com
Subject: Ahoy, Matie!

Hey there, Jack! Great website. I like what you are doing. I think you will like what we are doing! We run a sexxxy charter cruise company called “Where the Boys Are.” Check out our pic!


Our names are Johnny Mainsail and Timothy Saucepot (those aren’t our real names, just sexxxy aliases.) Anyway, we’d love to book you as the entertainment for one of our upcoming cruises. They’re fun. Just guys meeting guys. You, know, fun!!! Hit us back with an email and let us know if you’re interested.

Uh, I guess I should be flattered by this, but, frankly, I’m just confused. I don’t think I’ve posted much gay-themed material on this site, nor am I gay, so I have no idea why they want to book me for their cruise. Whatever, stage time is stage time, so I’ll probably take it. I’m going to have to write some new material, though. By the looks of these two, I’m guessing they’ll want me to get pretty campy.

Here’s the Onion article I realized I was sub-consciously ripping off halfway through writing this. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Johnny and Timothy!