Sports!
Oh man, I’m so excited for the start of the NCAA Tournament today that I can barely contain myself. One good thing about not having a full-time day job is that I won’t have to pretend I’m doing work today while I feverishly check updates on the games. I guess there are some bad things about not having a full-time job. Lack of health insurance comes to mind. Also, sometimes I have to borrow money to pay for my Axe Body Spray habit. Does anyone know how long one can of Axe is supposed to last? Because I go through about two a day. But who’s complaining? Not the sexy women who literally tackle me when I try to walk down the street because they can’t resist my musk. And not me, for that matter. I love being tackled by sexy women.
Christ, I’m literally shaking with anticipation for these games. I’m in about ten different pools for this thing. You should see my desk. I’ve got all my brackets printed up and spread out like an old lady playing bingo. I also have a bingo marker, but that’s just for huffing. A lot of people like to eat chicken wings or nachos when they’re watching sports. Not me, I’m a huffer. Just give me some spray paint, a paper bag, and get out of my way. Really, get out of my way, because when I get to huffing, I’m not responsible for my actions. During the Super Bowl, I killed a transient with a brick after huffing some glue. They kicked me out of ESPN Zone for that one. But I didn’t care because I just went around the corner to TGI Fridays, and got in a fight with the manager. Then I bought a round of Tequila shooters for the whole bar. Shooters! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like sports.
I’m doing a show tonight at the Slipper Room. I hope I’ll be able to calm down by then.
