My Roommate Is A Secret Agent
How do I know? Because he’s been leaving coded messages for his spy friends in our sink. Here’s how.
Whenever my roommate cooks something, he’ll wash about half of the dishes that he uses. The rest sit in the sink for a few days. But he never washes the same combination of dishes. Sometimes he’ll clean a pan and spatula. Other times he’ll clean the plate and utensils. I’ve been studying these messages for weeks now and I think I’ve cracked the code:
Unwashed Spoon and Pot = Meet me at the rendezvous point at 800 hours.
Unwashed Spatula and Plate = Get to the safe house!
Unwashed Pasta Fork, Cheese Grater, and Plate = The Iranians have the bomb.
I suppose it’s possible that my roommate is not a secret agent and he’s just trying to fool me into thinking that he’s doing the dishes by washing a small percentage of them, but I doubt it. I honestly believe he’s helping to hunt down terrorists. As for my messages to him, I like to leave them in the most passive-agressive way possible: by posting them on my website. Don’t worry, though, we’ll work out a compromise.
Astute readers of this site will probably point out that this post bears a striking resemblance to this one. It’s called self-plagiarizing. Taste it!
