Jack Kukoda

Show me

your goats.

Billion Dollar Idea

Filed under: Blatant Lies, Samples — By Jack at 1:56 pm on Tuesday, March 7, 2006

I’m going to go around to prisons and collect shanks that have been confiscated from the inmates. Then I’ll take those shanks and turn them back into useful, everyday objects. For instance, I’ll take a shank and file it down to make a toothbrush or a comb. My products will be called “Jack’s Second-Chance Shanks.” I will sell them at craft fairs and through a mail order catalog. It will be great.

The only problem with this idea is that I already have a business called “Jack’s Second-Chance Skanks.” That’s where I round up skanks from bus stations and dive bars, give them makeovers, teach them basic computer skills, and then help them find jobs as secretaries. I don’t make much money off of my second-chance skanks, but that’ s not why I got into this business. I do it mostly for the look a skank gets in her eyes when she has mastered Microsoft Excel. Aw, shucks, now it just sounds like I’m bragging. Anyway, keep an eye out for both of my business ventures.

And I certainly hope these guys are being ironic in their name choice. I’m pretty sure they are.

4 Comments »

124

Comment by Ryan Tennis

March 7, 2006 @ 4:49 pm

I think today might have been your best day of posts ever. By the way, all my friends at the U.W. read and talk about your blog, in case you needed inspiration to keep crackin away.

126

Comment by Paul Football

March 8, 2006 @ 11:53 am

University of Wichita doesn’t have internet access, so that was clearly a fake comment. Ryan Tennis? c’mon, you can do better than that

127

Comment by Paul McClain

March 8, 2006 @ 11:58 am

..and Jack, I know that you bankrupt your original idea: “Jack’s Second Chance Sharts”, when you attempted to re-sell poop stained shorts.

128

Comment by Pete Bobsled-Soccer

March 8, 2006 @ 12:09 pm

I’d like to buy some of those poop stained shorts if they’re still available.

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