Jack Kukoda

Show me

your goats.

Hypothetical Question

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 8:32 am on Monday, February 13, 2006

I posed the following question to my roommate last night: If you could create an unlimited number of clones of yourself, each clone possessing the same strength and intelligence as you, how many of you would it take, without using weapons, to kill an average brown bear? His answer was two. I said he was full of shit. A brown bear would rip my roommate in half before his clone knew what was happening. Here are the rest of the animals I asked him about, followed by his responses:

Polar Bear: “Three of me.”
Kodiak Bear: Five of me.”
Rhinoceros: “I don’t know if I could kill a rhinoceros. Its skin is too thick.”
Shark: “Fifteen of me.”
Tiger: “At least thirty. My fighting style is pretty similar to a tiger’s, so we would cancel each other out.
Silverback Gorilla: “Three of me.”
Regular Gorilla: “Two of me.”
Wolverine: “One of me.” To which I replied, “You really think you could kill a wolverine by yourself?” His reply: “Wolverines are actually not very big. You could fit a wolverine in a guitar case.”(I don’t know if this is true, but I know there’s no way he could single-handedly kill one.)
Elephant: “Thirty of me.”

This conversation went on for at least thirty minutes. I have no idea why neither of us has a girlfriend. Oh, and I think we all know how I would fare against a wild animal.

1 Comment »

103

Comment by YOUR ROOMMATE

February 17, 2006 @ 2:59 am

Jack, you’ve left out some very important information, and therefore I come across as ridiculous. First of all, I and each of my clones (it was agreed upon) would possess filed teeth and grown-out fingernails. We would also be shoed in my enormous steel-capped waterproof boots (which I’m actually surprised you haven’t tried to throw out). You also neglected the techniques my clones and I planned on deploying. How would we kill a brown bear? Not by running directly at it! One of us, a clone, in a kamikaze-like gesture, would drop from a tree onto the bears shoulders. It would squeeze the bear’s neck with its thighs, gauge out its eyes with the fingernails, and bite a hole in its head with its filed incisors. The bear would thrash the clone sure, but not before other the other two took out the the bear’s balls. The bear would simply die of shame! There is detailed plan for each animal. As far as the wolverine, the plan was simply to lure it into the guitar case with your chunky peanut butter, lock the clasps, then carry it up to the roof of our building, and drop it. There is no way that a wolverine (even in a guitar case) could surive a 100 foot fall! I think my mother could probably execute this.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>