Jack Kukoda

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Has Anyone Ever Had Bag Milk?

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 12:52 pm on Thursday, February 9, 2006

That’s not a typo. I didn’t mean bad milk. I’m sure everyone, at some point in their lives, has had bad milk. I’m talking about bag milk, which is milk that comes in a bag. When I was five years old, my parents rented a small cottage in Canada near Lake Erie. For some reason, the milk they purchased up there came in a bag. I don’t know if back then all Canadian milk came in bag form, or just the area we were in, or if it was cheaper or what. But that’s what my parents bought: bags of milk.

Let me tell you, it was disgusting. It’s hard to accurately describe the taste of bag milk or how it differs from regular milk. I’ll just say this: I vividly remember taking a swig from a juice cup without looking, thinking it was juice, then throwing up on the table when I discovered it was bag milk. Granted, I was five, and five year olds throw up quite frequently, but that doesn’t change the fact that bag milk is vomit-inducing.

For your endless amusement, here are some more food items that would taste or look gross if they came in bag form:

1. Pasta Sauce
2. Mashed Potatoes
3. Oatmeal
4. Nacho Cheese
5. Bacon Fat Run-off

Now that’s what I call a half-assed list! Woo!

6 Comments »

69

Comment by Lainer

February 9, 2006 @ 2:53 pm

What kind of bag are you talking about? Plastic? Brown? You need to be more clear jack.

70

Comment by adam

February 9, 2006 @ 3:03 pm

i went to public high school in philly and in the cafeteria they had both regular and chocolate milk in little square clear plastic bags. there wasnt even a place for the straw, you just had to ram it through the plastic. the milk tasted fine i guess, but they were really best for throwing at people across the lunchroom.

71

Comment by Jack

February 9, 2006 @ 3:29 pm

Yes, plastic bags. I don’t know how long a brown bag could hold milk. Maybe a second or two.

Adam, those sound similar, but I think the bags in Canada were big enough to hold the equivalent of a large carton of milk. And throwing milk-filled balloons sounds awesome.

74

Comment by Justin

February 9, 2006 @ 5:57 pm

The milk you enjoyed from those monolithic looking silver refrigerators in college was, indeed, bag milk.

All forms of the milk served in the dining hall (whole, 2%, and skim) were stored in clear plastic bags and placed in “milk crates” (plastic baskets). The bags were then perforated to enable the dispensing mechanism to operate.

Perhaps this is why the cheerios at the dining hall always tasted a little “off.”

80

Comment by Jack

February 10, 2006 @ 12:02 pm

Justin, that’s right! I had forgotten about that. I’m glad we were all able to work together to get to the bottom of this.

95

Comment by Shannon

February 15, 2006 @ 12:30 pm

You are so wrong. 7-11 Nacho Cheese comes in a big bag (I’ve seen them change the dispensers) and it tastes delicious.

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