Jack Kukoda

Hey, men. Listen up. Valentine’s day is one week away, but don’t worry. If you haven’t made any plans or gotten your lady any presents, just take a deep breath and calm down. Because I’m here to tell you the one and only foolproof way to a lady’s heart. And it’s not chocolates, or roses, or scented candles. I’ll tell you what it is. Are you ready?

Shoulder pads.

Not the football kind, my man. I’m talking lady’s shoulder pads. Nothing makes a lady look or feel sexier than a couple of foam pads stitched into a pantsuit. Hell, it’s Valentine’s Day. Get her a scalloped-neck dress with a little extra something up there. And when I say “up there,” you know I’m talking ’bout the shoulders. Check it out.

If this Google Image could talk, it would say, “Damn. I look hot.”

See what I’m saying? So, so sexy. On Valentine’s Day, don’t give your lady a slinky little number that you bought at Frederick’s of Hollywood. Every girl knows that’s not really a gift for her, but a gift for you. Give her the gift that will make her feel like a real woman, while letting the men at the office know that she can play in their world, too. Am I right, career gals?

Her eyes say ‘bedroom,’ but her shoulders say ‘boardroom.’

So there you go. That’s all you need to know about women. I hope I’ve done my part to help you all have a safe and sexy Valentine’s Day.

P.S. Marian, this was for you. It counts as your birthday present.