Jack Kukoda

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Never trust the Russians. They’ll just steal your ideas and pass them off as their own. Check out what I found on Newsmax.com:

Russia to Mine Moon for Energy

Those sneaky Ruskies just announced plans to build a permanent base on the moon so they can mine it for isotope helium-3, a promising fuel for nuclear energy. Uh, hello? I proposed the same thing two years ago. Except, in my version, my moon base was filled with sexy female cosmonauts that wore string bikinis and space helmets. And those furry boots.

They would spend their afternoons in the moon mines, then come back to my lunar palace to cook me chicken Kiev and massage me while I watched Card Sharks. In no time I would balloon to 400 pounds as I lay about, drinking vodka and ordering the girls around. “Natalya,” I would bellow, “Make me some goddamn borscht! I’m starving over here. And when you’re done, go dig up some isotopes.” Yeah, that would be sweet.

(Russian Accent) “We are making sexy party on the moon, da?”

So I guess all I need to get this plan off the ground is a little seed money. I know there are people who read this that work on Wall Street or thereabouts. Any of you know how I can get a few billion dollars to make my beautiful dream a reality? If you do, please feel free to tell me. Oh, and if you somehow help me get this thing going, you’ll having a standing invitation to visit me on the moon. I imagine the sexy cosmonauts will help me build a guest house.

Russia to Mine Moon for Energy[Newsmax]

P.S. If you search for “sexy astronaut” on Google Images, you better be prepared for what you find. My Lord, there are some sickos out there. And if you want the unedited version of the above photo, you can click here. Sinner.