Part VII, In Which Jack Kukoda Attempts To Give A Nickname To Every Player On The Buffalo Bills.
Dick Jauron, Head Coach
AKA “Mr. Basement Full of Dead Hookers”
“How much for a one-on-one party at my house?”
I think it’s pretty obvious why Coach Jauron gets this nickname. One look at the guy will tell you that he’s got some pretty dark secrets. Hooker secrets. Whenever the FBI catches a serial killer, he invariably looks like this. 50ish white guy, slightly crazy eyes, even crazier smile. It just gives off that whole “I’m trying to look like a regular guy by maintaing this frozen smile, but, oh boy, if you ever dug around in my basement, you’d quickly realize I’m anything but normal.”
I know this seems like a cheap shot since Jauron, by all accounts, is an intelligent, well-respected man. But if shows like CSI, the X-Files, and Criminal Minds have taught me anything, it’s that that’s exactly how serial killers get away with what they do. The talk politely, volunteer in the community, maybe even help out at the local church. Then they go home, order up a hooker, and get down to business in their sound-proof basements.
That’s all. Sorry, I just noticed the last few posts have contained material that might be miscontrued as misogynist or violent. That’s not usually how things are done around here at kukoda.com. I’ll clean up my act real soon, I promise. No more cheap laughs. In fact, I want to start making it up to you right now. Here’s a picture of Asian children holding puppies that’s guaranteed to melt even the coldest of hearts.
You’re welcome. And for more cute, read this post. Or go to this site. You’ll probably spend a good hour on it.
