Jack Kukoda

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Games My Roommate Plays

Filed under: Miscellaneous — By Jack at 9:02 am on Friday, January 13, 2006

As I’ve mentioned before, my roommate grew up an only child in rural Ohio, and as a result, was forced to invent games to keep himself entertained. Lately, he’s been playing them in our small apartment. Here they are in no particular order in case you’d like to play them at home.

The Get Up Five In the Morning and Bang Pots Around Game

I’m not sure of the rules of this game since I’ve never actually witnessed it. I’m usually in my bedroom, seething with rage underneath my blankets, but I think the title pretty much explains it. The object of the game, from what I gather, is to get up at an ungodly hour for work, go into the kitchen next to my bedroom, and rattle pans about. Sometimes my roommate puts on his giant boots and clomps around while playing this game, but I’m not sure if you get extra points for that or what.

The Build a Small Pyramid of Cheese and Water on the Kitchen Counter Game.

I have no idea how you score points or win this particular game. All I know is that my roommate likes to play it whenever he makes himself a breakfast burrito.

The Let’s See How Long I Can Leave This Rotting Food in the Refrigerator Game

This game is one of endurance and strategy, much like Risk. Sometimes my roommate will hide rotten leftovers behind comparatively fresh dishes, so that nobody will suspect they are there. I think you win if you can keep a head of lettuce until it completely liquefies.

That’s all the games for now. As for me, I like to play the Passive-Aggressive Roommate With a Website Game. It’s sweet.

7 Comments »

20

Comment by Comanda

January 13, 2006 @ 9:44 am

Then there’s the game my roommate plays…It’s title:
“Never Clean Up Around the Apartment Even Though You Don’t Have a Job While Your Roommate (that’s me) Works 60 Hours A Week and STILL Does All the Cleaning.”

The rules are described above except if you are the non cleaning roommate you also have to complain about how dirty it’s getting in the apartment. Good times. And Yes, I am bitter.

21

Comment by Clare

January 13, 2006 @ 11:21 am

jack, that is called being a bad roommate. clean up after yourself. no one wants to live with a slob.

22

Comment by Jack

January 13, 2006 @ 2:32 pm

Comanda, that too, sounds like an excellent game. Thank you very much for submitting that one.

Clare, Comanda is not my roommate. He is someone esle. There are lots of people who use the Internet, not just you, me, and my roommate. I understand your confusion.

24

Comment by Comanda

January 13, 2006 @ 3:33 pm

Jack and Clare–for the record, Comanda is a she. It’s an unfortunate nickname from work that I can’t shake.

And I thought that the only people who used the internet were me and my friends. Does this mean the rest of the world knows about it too??? (please note the immense sarcasm here…i’m not being mean)

25

Comment by Jack

January 13, 2006 @ 4:22 pm

Duly noted, Comanda.

26

Comment by james

January 13, 2006 @ 8:11 pm

a better game is to steal your rommate’s cigarettes while he is not looking, remove one, then rub it all over your crotch/ass, and then place it back. the rest is pretty intuitive, simply creepily giggle everytime he lights a cigarette out of said pack. when he lights the last cigarette in his pack tell him all about it. if he vows revenge, go one up on him preemptively. get really drunk and pee all over him and his peacoat while he is sleeping. claim it was all some sort of accident in the morning.

27

Comment by Jack

January 15, 2006 @ 1:49 am

James, sometimes I forget why I hate you so much. Then you remind me.

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