No, Seriously, My Apartment Is Freezing
Well, it’s Day 3 of the Boiler Strike in my building. I don’t know what its demands are, but they clearly haven’t been met by my super or management company because it hasn’t gone back to work yet. I really hope somebody can get it back to the bargaining table, because my bedroom is nearing absolute zero. That’s −459.67 °F for the non-chemists out there. If this doesn’t get fixed soon, I’m going to have to kill an animal and sleep inside of it for the night. Does anyone own a horse or large dog they won’t miss?
Anyway, if you’re wondering how to deal with an apartment with no heat or hot water, here’s a few tips:
1. Whine a lot. Also, yell, “Jesus, it’s cold in here.” to nobody in particular.
2. Hug the coffee pot.
3. If you’re like my getting-more-slovenly-by-the-day roommate, you can do this: heat up a pot of water on the stove, then use it to shave, making sure you rinse the razor IN the pot. THEN, put the pot back on the stove like nothing happened. Oh, and make sure it’s the pot that I use to cook just about every meal. Then, when I ask you to clean the pot you just filled with dead skin, shave gel, and facial hair; roll your eyes and do it grudgingly.
4. Curl up in a ball and feel sorry for yourself.
I think that’s all the tips I have for now. What can I say, it’s a Friday. I need to start applying my bronzer now if I want it to look like a natural tan by the time I get to the clubs.
Previous Boiler Strike Coverage
