Part IV, In Which Jack Kukoda Attempts To Give A Nickname To Every Player On The Buffalo Bills.
Takeo Spikes, LB #51
AKA “The Volcano”
Holy Christ Almighty, look at the size of this man’s neck. It’s literally wider than his head; hence the nickname “The Volcano.” The way his shoulders meet his neck, which then tapers off at his head makes Takeo look like a volcano from chest up. See?
In this metaphor, his head would be the smoke and lava.
I like to think that if I were Takeo’s teammate, I would call him Volcano to his face. I’m sure after a while he would ask me why I call him Volcano. “Is it because of my massive neck?” he would inquire. To which I would say, “No, it’s because you play linebacker so explosively. You know, like a volcano.”
Then Takeo would say, “Okay, man. Thanks.” And then I would giggle.
Actually, I would never mock Takeo to his face as he is very powerful and probably my favorite Buffalo Bill. Goddammit, he is awesome. And he’s pretty tough, too. After he tore his achilles tendon in the third game of the year, causing his calf muscle to dangle like a stretched-out rubber band, he did not cry in pain or even wince. He got angry because he couldn’t play. If I tore my achilles tendon I’m absolutely sure I’d be screeching for my Mom no matter how many people were watching. Get well soon, Takeo.
More Takeo from ESPN: Life on IR new, difficult for Spikes
