Happy Boxing Day
Today is Boxing Day! I hope all you Canadians and Brits and Australians and Kiwis went out and bought presents for your servants today. If not, they’re going to adopt an insolent attitude and do a half-assed job with the laundry. And do you want that? I didn’t think so.
Wait, I meant to say I hope you cleaned all the boxes out of your house. Yeah, that’s what Boxing Day is.
No. Shit. Uh, I meant I hope you put plenty of coins in the box that’s kept on your sailing vessel to collect money for a priest to say a mass for the safe return of you and your fellow mariners. What?
Jesus Christ, Canada! This is your big holiday? Some sort of mish-mash that nobody seems to be able to understand? And while we’re at it, what in the hell is Victoria Day? I doubt I even want to know. Stick to hockey and delicious bacon, Canada, and leave the holidays to the U.S. of A.*
*The “A” stands for Ass-kicking.
