Part III, In Which Jack Kukoda Attempts To Give A Nickname To Every Player On The Buffalo Bills
Mike Mularkey, Head Coach
AKA “Confused Kevin Costner”
I know I’m not the first person to point out that Mike Mularkey bears a striking resemblance to Kevin Costner, especially if Costner were a little doughier. But I seem to be the only one that notices that Mularkey always looks confused. It’s like his face is permanently stuck in that scene from Dances With Wolves when Lt. John Dunbar is trying to figure out why Wind In His Hair is yelling at him. In Dunbar’s defense, he was trying to decipher the meaning of a completely foreign language, whereas Mularkey perpetually looks like he’s trying to read heiroglyphics no matter what he’s doing. Check out his offical team photo here. He couldn’t find a picture that made him look slightly more informed?
Arrrggghhhh! I hate you so much, Mike Mularkey. The amount of talent that you have squandered is unbelievable. And your cute play-calling makes me pull my hair out. But I’ll give you one last chance.
The Bills are playing the Bengals on the road on Christmas Eve this Saturday. If you deliver a victory, Mularkey, I might be willing to forget your past transgressions, like the time you had Roscoe Parrish line up behind center and throw a screen pass. But if the Bills lose another road game like they’ve been doing all season, I promise you this: I will learn voodoo and then use that voodoo that I do so well to make your life unbearable. Do you understand me? Voodoo, man. Watch out.
More Buffalo Bills Nicknames
